Second 1st day of Kindergarten; 1st sick day

The "Flock" has been busier than normal and I've been too tired to put together a coherent sentence, thus the lack of updates... still too tired, but feel the need to get this done or I'll never catch up.

I'll start with the good news - - Miss Gracie started school (as scheduled) a week ago today and had a fantastic day. She was (as she was in August) a rock star and handled the adjustment to a new place and new people like it had never been an issue for her!

Here are pics of her in the parking lot as I got ready to wheel her onto campus... she was so excited! (See her tongue peeking through her gap on the bottom...? Well, there is now a permanent tooth poking through her gums! BIG girl!)

She wore the same shirt that she wore on her true "1st day of Kindergarten" - - I guess you can say I am a bit superstitious! I figured that she had such a great day back in August, why not try the same shirt?! (This coming from the person who wore the same pair of jeans for every final during college. By the time I graduated, they were very well worn and had all kinds of natural rips and tears! I finally parted with them a few years a go when I realized that I didn't need to keep them - - whether I ever go back to school and take more finals, they will never fit me again!)


I think she adjusted better than I did! I stayed with her Wednesday, Thursday and on Monday to help field questions and give her new team input about all things Gracie. My purpose was to be "wallpaper" to Gracie, but observe and offer any help to her new team. She is only attending for three hours, but when we got in the car each day, I was pooped! I think I was carrying a lot of anxiety each day, hoping that she'd "show her stuff" and communicate a bit. The kids in her class are far more academically advanced than she is - - they've also been in school much longer. Nevertheless, I was feeling so much pressure for her to prove her worthiness of being in that classroom. She's so smart... but that's not obvious to anyone who is just meeting her. The pressure I was feeling was mostly self-inflicted... so it's my own fault. I am so worried that, because of her health over the years, she's missed the formative time to become a learner in the academic sense. We've done everything we could when her health has permitted, but it doesn't stop me from constantly questioning if we could have done more. That's just part of being a parent, I know... regardless of your child's health and abilities... but those feelings were very present those first days in class.


There are other kids with CHARGE in her class and in the preschool class next door. Gracie's health and development is so much more severely impacted than theirs, and though I wasn't really comparing or wishing she was different, I was sad for her. Sad for the struggles that she has faced, faces now and will always face. She does it with such happiness and grace, if you will - - so eager to learn and do new things in spite of how challenging it is - - blissfully unaware of how much easier it could be because she doesn't know any different. And yet there I was, a slight, blubbering mess (on the inside... no one at school would have known) trying to take it all in and just be happy for her that she's finally getting this opportunity that she needs and deserves.


And then, just like that, my glimpse of happiness turns again to sadness and disappointment because she is now sick... again. This Monday was so busy - - school, then cardiology, and since we didn't have time to make it all the way home, a quick trip to the mall to pick up her new tennis shoes (for those of you who know her "shoe issue," you know that tennis shoes - - and the fact that she wears them now - - are miraculous!) and finally off to an hour of OT and PT. She was such a trooper... happy and smiling. Therapy was too much for her, though, as she was exhausted by then. But she didn't get mad or cry, she just couldn't muster the energy for the work they were requiring. We had left the house at 8:00am and didn't return until 5:40pm.

She didn't sleep well that night and woke-up Tuesday with a low-grade fever. It subsided and she perked up. By evening, she was back up to 102 without Tylenol. She was up all night Tuesday coughing and did not tolerate her feeding or Pedialyte. So... today was her first sick day.

I made the calls this morning, trying not to be too devastated for her, but my heart was so heavy on Tuesday knowing that she so easily picked up something. It's normal for any child starting school or daycare to get sick... I know this... but I had (silently and secretly) hoped that for once, she could catch a break. She's going to miss tomorrow, too, given the way her secretions look. A chat with the pulmonology nurse has resulted in a prescription for Cipro... the "knock-down, drag-out" of antibiotics. This "ick" that she's been dealing with is recurrent and appears to be coming out with a vengeance each time she ends her regular cycle of inhaled antibiotics. All of this is, I'm sad to say, just another reminder of how fragile her health is... how vulnerable she is... regardless of that sweet smile on her face.