Happy 9th Birthday, Gracie Girl

The last few days were terrible for Gracie.  Since Wednesday evening, she had been in a dark room, eyes covered, miserable, retching and crying from the pain when awake.  Sleep only came from pure exhaustion caused by the former. There was little reprieve during this abdominal migraine and its severity was reminiscent of the ones she had when she was much younger and they were brought on with a vengeance by stress.

Thankfully, the fog lifted little by little on Sunday and, by mid-afternoon, though she wasn't back to her baseline, she let me play dress-up with her for her birthday photo shoot.  (She was exhausted after all the primping, playing and posing and ended up taking a long nap.)  I had hoped to get one great shot to use. Instead, I got so many I couldn't possibly choose. Perhaps it's because she was so sick for so many days that seeing her bright, happy expressive face made me want to use them all. But, I think it's just really because they are that good! ;-)

Sweet, sassy daughter of mine...
How on earth did you get to be nine?

Sitting so pretty

Using her walker, Gracie made her way from sitting on the bed (I liked the colors there!) to her mirror, where she prefers to hang out (stand, sit, stand, let go a bit to test her balance,sit, repeat!).  At the moment I took this pic, she very precariously balanced in the walker without using her hands.

It's hard to see here in the pics, especially with the fluff of her tutu, but she very carefully transitioned herself from her walker to the bar.  These transitions are something we are working very hard on... and she gets more and more daring as she feels comfortable with her position. 

Love this smile... it was missing for several days as she suffered horribly from an abdominal migraine that was, no doubt, worsened (or possibly even brought on) by a stressful day at school on Wednesday.  She was in the dark for days, feeling miserable.  If she was awake, she was crying and retching.  And yet, when that fog of misery lifted, she instantly became her regular happy, playful, busy, lovebug self. 
There is a lot to be learned from that kind of resolve.

I love this so many reasons.
The fact that the puppy is also pictured is special because she was in Gracie's nursery, sitting on her bookcase, for weeks before she was born.

I find these mirror shots to be, well, quite amazing.
Look at Gracie's reflection... so obviously smiling.
Look at the side that is not in the mirror... she appears to be serious.
The lesson... pay close attention... or you might miss what's really going on.

This expression is so quintessentially "Gracie."

Hugging her puppy in one hand, leaning and holding onto the bar with the other.

I love Gracie's hands... they are loving, gentle at times, rough (without intention) many others and
so very expressive.
Whether she uses them to sign or to access augmentative communication devices... they are her voice.

My beautiful, strong, spirited, loving warrior daughter.
She gets knocked down in so many ways, all too often, and manages to pick herself up and keep on going.

(See why I couldn't choose?!)



Dear Gracelyn Marie,

You are nine today. Nine years old. It happened in a blink and yet, it's been a long, winding road to get here.

Your eighth year was full of many ups and downs. Thankfully, with regard to your health, the downs were not nearly as terrible as they were in your seventh year... no major setbacks and no hospitalizations.  That's pretty darn amazing and we are grateful.

The biggest downs were caused by those around you.  You were let down by so many who, by their very role, were supposed to protect you, care for you, nurture you.  Even I let you down by not protecting you better from all of that.  I am trying really hard to let that go, not dwell in a place of guilt, and move on so that I can better protect you and find the right people to surround you.  One such person is Pearl.  We are so blessed, after four other nurses since August, to have found her.   She takes wonderful care of you, advocates for you and, clearly, respects you.  She has, in just a couple of months, learned a great deal of sign and understands so much about how to engage you - - that is a tremendous gift.

Because of the inconsistencies in your care and other things that were happening (or not happening) in your world, it took you a while to trust her... I don't think you believed that she'd stick around or treat you right.  It was so sad for us to see you that way as it went against your very nature.  You are so loving, social and sweet... you are curious about others and don't hesitate to "introduce" yourself in your own way.  And, yet, that social little girl disappeared for a while.   We have been speculating what might have been the cause and now I believe we have finally figured out all the reasons for your hesitancy, sweet girl, and... suffice it to say... problem solved.  I am just so very sorry that it took us so long to put all the pieces together in order to make your world better.  So very sorry. 



For instance, you are literally trying to cross rooms... by walking.  Perhaps some of it is from jealousy (you are furious when our dear friend, Rachel, holds Gavin... you don't want to share her!).  Twice now you have taken a couple of steps between two chairs, allowing yourself to not hold onto something for a brief second as you reach for the support of the chair you're trying to reach.   Granted, how you're feeling plays a huge part in what you do and when you do it, but when you're determined, you can do anything.  Daddy said just the other day, while watching you do some pretty crazy things that prove how incredibly strong you are, "You know, she is going to walk... sooner than we think."  I think he is right.  And, even if he isn't, I will never stop believing that it's possible.   

You continue to astound us with your resolve and spirit.  There isn't a day that you don't have discomfort of some sort... between your central nervous system issues, your joints bothering you, constant issues with nutrition, sinuses and your ears, the list goes on and on... and yet you, Gracie, are never down for good.  The moment that discomfort passes, you have smiles and hugs to give, you are itching to be busy and back outside again.  You are anything but meek, and for that I am grateful.  Your spunk and will serve you well.  You never cease to amaze us with what you can do, what you know and what you can learn... when we least expect it, you remind us.  You are extraordinary and we promise to make sure that you are only surrounded by people who believe that about you and are willing to help you thrive. 

You are, on your ninth birthday, on the brink of so many changes.   I am full of hope that these new doors that are opening will lead to paths that take you great places.  While your journey is never straight and easy, I know that your strength and determination will allow you to reach your fullest potential.   You are our extraordinary, miraculous little girl... and Daddy and I are so honored and privileged to be your parents.

All my love,
Mommy

Gavin (Month Two)

Okay... so technically, you're 8 weeks today, not two months.  But your two month birthday (Monday, April 16th) is the same as Gracie's 9th birthday and, well, I think it's fair that we save that day for her!

You started spitting up like crazy (which is not like you) when we started these pictures,
so, soaked shirt it is!
Even through all that "urpiness," you were content as can be.

It's funny how red your hair looks in all your pics. 
There's a slight hue right now, but in natural lighting, it's getting blonder by the minute.

That's my happy, happy boy!

In the last month:
- You grew a smile... and each day it brings us more and more joy.  So far, daddy gets the most.  You hear his voice when he gets home from work and practically smile without even seeing him.
- You continue to be so laid back. I keep saying that I am afraid I will jinx it, but I think it's pretty safe to say, at this juncture, this is your personality... at least for now!  You are one "zen" little dude.
- I started "wearing" you when you were one month and one day old. Like your sister and brother, you were never a fan of swaddling. But, man oh man, Squeak, do you love to be worn! It's the same thing, really, but I think the reason you like being in the Moby Wrap is because you're right up against me. I love it, too, and it keeps my hands free which, in this house, is key.

Just like the pics I took to mark my belly growth... only now you're outside!
Sadly, this is one of only a few pictures I have with you since you came home.  We need to get better about that.

 - We've loved watching your blonde eye lashes appear day by day. It's amazing to see how they suddenly start sprouting... it's like watching a time-lapse video!
- Your hands are fascinating to you... and to me. I love baby hands... and since you're my baby, I really love yours! They are extraordinary and beautiful... and they've already grown so much in such a short time.

- You love nursing (me, too) and, thankfully, also easily take a bottle when necessary.  Clearly, you're not hurting for nutrition.  ;-)

You are 7 weeks, 6 days here. 
Your two month appointment isn't until next Friday, so we will get your official stats then. 
By my scale, you are already roughly 11 lbs, 10 oz.
(You were 12 pounds even at your appointment!)

- You started (in just the last few days) sleeping in a 6-7 hour stretch at night.  I am not holding my breath that this will last... it may just be a fluke... but I am enjoying it for now.  It makes it a lot easier to take care of your sister if you're not awake all night, too!
- You sleep mostly in your bassinet and nap in your swing. You seemed too small for your crib until recently.

On your 6-week birthday, you took your first long nap in your crib.  You look so tiny in this picture... now you fill that space much better and it's only been two weeks.  I know it's time to move you in there and pack up the bassinet, but I want to wait just a bit longer!

- You've gotten better and better at tummy time.  It wasn't your favorite unless you were lying on me, but now you're tolerating longer and longer stretches on your Gymini playmat. 

These pics are from the very beginning of the month. 
You are much stronger now!

- You love staring contests with Gracie and Preston and listen very intently to anything Preston says.  A couple of weeks ago, you were awake from 5am-9am.  Preston went and laid on our bed with you and I walked into the doorway unbeknownst to either of you and just listened to your him chatting away to you. It was so very sweet and made mommy cry big, happy tears. You're so blessed to have a brother with such a big heart to love you and teach you and a sister who is fascinated by you and wants nothing more than to be around you and Preston.

This was taken after Preston's baseball game when you were just 5 1/2 weeks.
I LOVE how you two are looking so intently at each other.

Your sister LOVES you to pieces!
And, since she's got no concept of how strong her grip is, she almost does love you to pieces!
We have to be very careful!

- You love Toby and don't at all mind (even though I sort of do!) it when he licks your face. He is constantly sniffing you and insists on sitting right up against me when I change you on the family room floor. You are "his" baby!

We had just gotten home, Gracie had done some serious "Gracie Yoga" and then sat up to get a better look at you.
Toby, apparently, was making sure Gracie understood that you are "his" baby!

- You continue to be like a sleeping drug for me.  I have to really concentrate on staying awake when I hold you...

See... I'm out like a light. 

You are such a complete joy little doodlebug.  Your sweet, easy disposition serves you well in this family because, let's just face it, sometimes you have to wait a little longer for your needs to be met.  If Gracie is pulling out her trach and Preston is going a million miles an hour, I might have to ask you to sit tight a little longer than my preference or yours. Hopefully, you won't require too much therapy later in life!
Preston says a million times a day when he kisses you, "You're so adorable and lovable and precious." He's SO right!

Love you the whole world,
Mommy

** On your 2 month appointment, you weighed an even 12 pounds and were 22 1/2 inches - - though I am not all that confident in the nurse's measurement.  I think you're about an inch longer than that. **

Eggstravaganza

On Good Friday, neither Gracie or Preston had school, so Pearl (Gracie's awesome nurse... finally we have a great nurse for Gracie!) and I took the kids on a "field trip" to the Eggstravaganza at Irvine Park Railroad. It was a fun afternoon - - though it got warm as the day progressed and both Gracie and Gavin had their fill by the time we saw the Easter Bunny. Gracie was repeatedly signing "ready" (as in "ready to go") as we waited in the (thankfully) short line to take their picture with the bunny and Gavin melted down right when we finished. Preston was very impressed that his baby brother didn't cry when the Easter bunny held him.   And though Preston did not have a meltdown, he was sound asleep ten minutes into the car ride home!

This was, by far, Gracie's favorite part of the day. 
Pearl helped both kids decorate cookies while I took pics and kept an eye on Gavin.
Gracie would have stayed and decorated cookies (and herself) in frosting and sprinkles all afternoon!  Preston enjoyed the decorating process, too, but much preferred the process of eating!

Open wide!

I love this picture!  She is as happy as can be!

Pearl and Gracie
We are so very grateful for Pearl... Gracie LOVES her and so do we!

Basket Heads and Chocolate Bunnies
The egg hunt wasn't particularly fun for either of the kids... it was way too crowded which prohibited me from helping Gracie get eggs on her own and the swarm of kids and parents bumping into her chair did not (understandably) settle well with her.  Preston quickly grabbed his eight eggs, gave Gracie his basket and took hers to retrieve her eight.
They both had way more fun putting their baskets on their heads!

I took a bunch of pics with my camera, too, but this scanned one that I paid for really was the best shot of them all. 
Gracie isn't too furious about being hot and sitting with the fuzzy, warm Easter Bunny and Gavin isn't yet covering his face with his hands!

Egg Dyeing... Serious Business

This cracks me up. 

We hadn't yet mixed the dye pellets with vinegar and Preston was so stressed out that Gracie was reaching over and grabbing the cups.  He had been put in charge of putting the right colored pellet in each cup and was quite concerned that Gracie was going to mess up his job! 

It also cracks me up because Gracie had on a shirt... and when I took the cup to add the vinegar and water, she stripped it off in two seconds flat (her house, she's allowed to at home!).  She must not have wanted to ruin her cute top because, ten minutes after it came off, she dumped the yellow cup and was covered in yellow dye!

There was a lot of concentration going on during this process!

The finished products

Faces

Playing with my new camera means it's in the kids' faces... a lot... even Toby's. 
The beauty of some of the lenses is that I can appear to be right in their faces and I am actually not!

Here are a few of my favorites of late... serious, thoughtful little faces, one caught mid-bite, all of them, I am sure (including Toby), are thinking, "Why is she behind that camera again?!" Someday they will be so glad I was. I hope.

Taken this week after over an hour of hard physical play with Pearl (Gracie's nurse) and me. 
Gracie propped herself on the ball with this expression that begged for me to grab the camera.

From January... Preston caught mid-bite during a backyard lunch.

Earlier this week... Gavin so serious (I had pulled out his binkie to take his picture) that his cheeks are weighing down the sides of his little mouth! 

Last month... Toby hoping that, if he is still enough, I won't realize that he is on the couch again.

Growing a Smile

They say that newborns smiling in their sleep is a natural, unconscious survival mechanism. The theory is that it endures their caretakers to them so that they are fed, held and loved. Interesting theory... I don't need a sleeping smile to help me with that, but, man, it sure is cute!

15 days old... The Sleeping Smile
Gavin's sweet "survival smile"  aka the "gas smile."

I wrote in Gavin's first month letter that I felt he was on the verge of a social smile.
On March 21st (4 weeks, 6 days old), while Gavin was happily hanging out with Preston and Gracie, I captured this...

Five days later, while I was leaving a voicemail (a serious voicemail, mind you), I squealed with joy mid-message as Gavin looked at me, bright-eyed and grinned. 
It was my first true, full-face, purposeful smile from him. 
When I told John that evening, he informed me that he'd gotten one that morning as well.

Then, today, it happened. The, "Grab the camera, he's going to put on a show" kind of smile. 
He went from looking at me like this...

To looking at me like this...

And this...

And, that, my friends, is how you grow a smile.
Stay tuned for a lifetime more of these! 

Hey Batter Batter!!!

Preston has started organized sports.  Our world (and by that I mean ours as parents... and his, too, of course!) will NEVER be the same! 

We thought this boy was obsessed before... we were wrong.  He LOVES baseball and can't wait to sign up for soccer in the fall. He wants to play fall baseball, too, so I am not sure how we'll work out that and soccer.   Once this season ends, he can't wait to take skating lessons in preparation for hockey.  Our philosophy is to let him try everything so he can see what he truly loves as well as where he excels.  Baseball falls into both categories - - he loves it, he is learning a lot and he is playing remarkably well for his very first season.
(And that is an unbiased opinion, believe it or not! LOL!)

Practices started in early February and their first game was March 3rd.

John worked a half-day so he could be there to warm him up, help on the field and cheer Preston on along with Nana, Gracie, Gavin and me. 
It was such a fun afternoon.

His very first at-bat. 
In this age group (4 and 5 yrs), they go through the whole line-up so everyone bats and everyone runs the bases one at a time.  They first try to hit a coach's pitch and if they don't get a hit after five pitches, they can hit off the T.  When they are on the field, they switch positions halfway through the inning.  The idea is to teach them the fundamentals and build skills. 

My Little White Sox Man

The Pile-Up
This was one of the funniest moments of the game - - aside from Preston rounding home and heading back to first following his first time batting!  The boys all ran after the ball and piled-up in an effort to get to it first!  Then, after it was thrown to first base, they just stood there.  HILARIOUS!
They are all much better at staying in their own positions now :)

A huddle-cheer at the end of the game.
They then high-five the opposing team and run, like crazed animals, to the tables just off the field for a snack. 
So cute!

Batting at his second game

 

Doing an awesome job of fielding at last Monday's game

It's really hard to believe that the little guy in this post (who was 2 years, 2 months at the time) is wearing a uniform, hitting pitches and working fielding balls like a big kid. Sigh.

Gavin Joseph (Month One)

Gavin Joseph Swann
One Month
(Sorry about the flash, little man.  I did not mean to have it on.)

Dear Sweet Gavin,

I will say this a lot throughout your life... I cannot believe how quickly the days pass.  If only there was a pause button for our lives... just so we can cherish the moments a little longer. 

You, my sweet, laid back little man, are one month old today.  And, quite frankly, as much as I have counted each day and been very conscious of your age (practically down to the minute), I really can't believe you are already one month - - or, more precisely, four weeks and almost one full day.

I have written a lot about the last four weeks.  I am wordy... you will get used to it.  There is a great deal to say and I am trying so hard not to forget the details about you, your birth and how you are now, at one month old.

- You are such a sweet, easy baby.  I hope this doesn't jinx things... I'm guessing it won't.  This is just who you are... laid back, easy going, very "zen," if you will.  Your needs are quite simple.  You cry when you're hungry, when you get cold during a diaper/clothing change and when you need a change of scenery.  When you are picked up, you know you're needs are soon to be met and you quickly calm.  

- You are extremely alert and make amazing eye contact already.  I know it's early, but I truly feel that any day you will smile for real.  And, I am quite certain you will have your Daddy's dimples.  I sure hope so!

- You listen intently and are fascinated by your older sister and brother.

- You smell amazing... except when you have dirty pants!  :-)

- You absolutely detest (just like Gracie and Preston) being swaddled and absolutely love having your bottom patted.

- In the last week, you have fallen in love with laying on your little Gymini playmat and staring in the mirror.  You also are completely fascinated by the toys that hang from it. 

- You are incredibly strong... already holding your head up when I burp you over my shoulder.

- You were, as of March 12th, 9lbs, 2oz.  This is not too shabby considering you dropped to  7lbs, 6oz at five days old. 

- You are, as evidenced in your outfit in today's pictures, busting out of your newborn size clothes... they are way too short in the legs and literally bursting open in the diaper area due to the stretch.

- You are patient and adaptable.  We've had a challenge with nursing in the first few weeks and with a lot of trying and persistence, we seemed to have worked it out together.  We will find out at our next lactation consultation if we've been truly successful.  Regardless of the outcome (i.e. if you're not quite getting enough from me alone), I am so proud of both of us.
I was not able to nurse Gracie at all due to her lack of functional swallow (I did pump) and Preston was too much of a barracuda eater to nurse patiently (I pumped for him, too).  With both of them, I didn't have enough supply to sustain them, so they were supplemented with formula.  I don't think that's the case this time... we shall see.
I am extremely grateful to my dear friend, Hannah, who inspired me to work diligently at this.  I am also indebted to my mom for all of the extra help and encouragement that allowed me to work through our challenges and make this work.  This is an experience that I wanted as a mom but never had the chance until you came along.

- You make the cutest little squeaky noises when you are waking up and eating. 

- Your soft breaths on my cheek make me deliriously happy.

- You toot like a grown man!  I know... that's embarrassing... but it's really quite impressive.  You save it all for when you're starting to wake-up and the first five minutes you're nursing.  It's hilarious to me that you can be heard "doing your business" from across the house.

- You ride in the car like a champ and I am thankful for that because we do spend a great deal of time playing taxicab for Preston and Gracie.

- You are a good sleeper... almost too good at times.  You will often sleep right through meal times if you are cozy (which you often are).  Granted, once I wake you up to eat, you are suddenly wide awake, starving and demanding.  But many times, without the wake-up call, you'd sleep right through!

- You have already:
Celebrated Nana's birthday, Daddy's birthday and mine
Been to Preston's first baseball game
Gone with us to buy a car (you slept through that process... I don't blame you!)
Been on several walks
Been to the park (you slept through that, too)
Been to Target and Babies R Us (And, you also slept through those - -  though I am guessing that you'll rarely sleep through Target trips once you are aware of all the wonders of that store!  Just ask Preston about that... he loves Target almost as much as I do!)
Danced in the rain (Albeit briefly and on the back porch, so technically protected from the downpour.  But still, I held you and we danced a bit... just so we could say we did.)

- You, sweet baby boy, have changed our lives... all for the better... and we love you so very much.

Since I gave you so many stipulations in my last letter to you before you were born, I will be easy on you this time.  I only ask that you grow as you should, take your time in transitioning from a newborn to a "baby" and that you continue to love endless snuggles staring into each other's eyes.

All my love,
Mommy

Coming up for air... a month of baby bliss

I did not mean to go an entire month without posting.  Really.  The lack of updates and pictures over the last month is really quite embarrassing.  That being said, you can be sure that my absence on blogger and facebook was for good reason.  We've been busy... obviously.. and, I've been living in the land of baby bliss.  It's a nice place... but it's definitely high time I come up for air and share this little man with everyone!

It is incredibly hard to believe that a month has passed since Gavin's birth.  I wrote my last letter to him in utero on February 15th and asked him to cooperate regarding the timing of his birth. As it turns out, he is a very compliant little man and came within the window of time I specified!

I picked up my mom from the airport at noon on February 16th, by 3pm I was on the phone with my doctor and by 4pm she had examined me and determined that I was leaking amniotic fluid. Because I had a very small snack at 2:30pm, we had to wait until late that night for a c-section. Thank goodness Nana made it to town just in the nick of time and was able to care for Preston and Gracie while John and I went to the hospital.  I was so thankful to have my doctor do my c-section (it was a doozie because of the massive amounts of adhesions to work through) and even more thankful to have my husband in the OR with me for the birth of our third baby.   The moment that we heard our baby scream in protest of the lights, cold OR and general rude awakening that is a c-section birth, was so joyous and such a relief.  That good cry, just like Preston's did nearly five years ago, caused each of us to shed a few tears, too.  (There is nothing more beautiful than the sound of a newborn crying... especially when you've experienced the terrifying silence of a birth when your baby can't breathe well enough to cry.)

We came home Sunday, February 19th and fairly easily adjusted to life as a family of five (six while Nana was here!).    Granted, that "easy" adjustment was due, in large part, to the extra helpful and loving hands around... John was off work and my mom was here.  Talk to me after I've spent a week on my own with all three and I'll let you know what the transition is really like!  ;-)

Gracie and Preston have adjusted to Gavin's presence beautifully and Gavin adjusted well to coming home. In fact, with the exception of his second night home which was a marathon of screaming due to being so hungry and not getting what he needed from me fast enough, he has been so easy going and relaxed (knock on wood!). He is very used to all the chaotic noises... suction machine, Preston's loud and crazy antics (Gracie's not innocent either... her new and challenging behaviors that emerged while I was pregnant, including pulling out her trach a lot, prove that she can be just as naughty as Preston), me raising my voice at Preston regarding aforementioned crazy antics more times than I should... all the things that he’d been hearing for all the months I carried him.   Gracie is smitten, but hasn't quite mastered the art of being gentle again. With Preston, she was so soft with her touch. Now she's used to playing fairly rough with him and doesn't quite get the difference between the two.  In between testing every boundary he has and forgetting that his job is to listen to his parents, Preston has been so helpful (just as he is with his sister) and can't wait until he can do more with Gavin on his own.   He gets diapers, sings to him, pats his bottom when he fusses, gives him a binkie, kisses him endlessly... you name it.  We are so proud of the way he has welcomed his baby brother without the slightest bit of jealousy.  Even Toby has adjusted fairly well, though it is clear that he is going to be very protective of Gavin as he responds to every little sound he makes by walking right up to him and sniffing him. It is very sweet.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent some time poring over pictures that we've taken since February 16th and I find myself emotional (rational, not scary emotional... though if I am being honest, there were some irrational tears the second week... hormones are a crazy thing!) at the realization that we were quickly approaching the one month mark. Time moves so quickly and Gavin has already changed so much since his birth.

I've spent a lot of time trying to memorize things about him... his little sounds (which have earned him the nickname "Squeak"), the way he smells - - that newborn smell - - even though we put nothing on him that actually has a scent.  (What is that - - that newborn smell? And why can't we bottle it and all the emotions, euphoria and elation that it creates?) I try to memorize the way he feels when I hold him - how he curls up into a tiny ball on my chest (thus, earning another nickname of "Squish"). And in memorizing the way he has curled up - - like in utero - - I am keenly aware of how much he has "flattened out" already and continues to grow at a rate of approximately 1/4" a week.   Did you know that newborns grow that fast initially? It's amazing.
 
I have spent a tremendous amount of time holding him… not wanting to put him down… especially in the first two weeks. I tried so hard to cherish every second and soak him up as much as I could because I knew that once my mom left (on March 12th), I would not be able to hold my baby boy as long as I wanted to. I have been burning onto my brain the way his breath feels on my cheek, observing the tiniest changes in his expression and what I think they mean. I stare at him and try to memorize every little detail… the things that the camera just can’t capture. Don’t get me wrong, I still do the same thing with Gracie and Preston - - literally stare at them and mentally hit “pause” - - but Gavin’s rate of change is considerably faster and knowing he is our last baby Swann makes me try to soak him up even more.

I’m appreciating the littlest things in ways I couldn't possibly with Gracie, of course, due to the circumstances surrounding her birth and in a way that I couldn't with Preston because the "typical" newborn world was so foreign to us and I was so nervous about how we'd manage taking care of Gracie and a newborn. It was so much easier than I had built it up in my head, but I didn't relax through it enough to enjoy it in the same way that I am this time. This time, with some experience under my belt, I was more relaxed and my perspective was a little different.  That generally relaxed state was also thanks to the fact that John was off work from the 9th of February thru March 1st and my mom was here until the 12th.   Truth be told, though, I am just as hard on myself this time - - expecting that I can do it all and work miracles. My mother can attest to that and tried multiple times while she was here to give me a reality check.   My kids gave me my own dose of reality last night when, around 6:45pm, as we awaited John's arrival home from work, I had dinner half-done in the disaster area formerly known as the kitchen, Preston was in the tub waiting for his hair to be washed, Gavin was lying across my lap nursing as I sat "criss-cross-apple-sauce" (or Indian Style as we said in my "non-PC" gradeschool days) while Gracie, in day two of an abdominal migraine, laid just behind Gavin crying while I suctioned her trach and mouth.  Needless to say, I was a dishevelled and exhausted mess by the time John got home!   Thankfully, my husband does not expect that I have dinner ready upon his arrival, nor does he ever ask why things are not done.  Smart man! Very smart! LOL!!!

All kidding aside... even with the challenges we've had and the many that I know are to come, I couldn't be happier with the chaos that is our life.  I am blessed beyond words by my beautiful, loving flock.