Growing a Smile

They say that newborns smiling in their sleep is a natural, unconscious survival mechanism. The theory is that it endures their caretakers to them so that they are fed, held and loved. Interesting theory... I don't need a sleeping smile to help me with that, but, man, it sure is cute!

15 days old... The Sleeping Smile
Gavin's sweet "survival smile"  aka the "gas smile."

I wrote in Gavin's first month letter that I felt he was on the verge of a social smile.
On March 21st (4 weeks, 6 days old), while Gavin was happily hanging out with Preston and Gracie, I captured this...

Five days later, while I was leaving a voicemail (a serious voicemail, mind you), I squealed with joy mid-message as Gavin looked at me, bright-eyed and grinned. 
It was my first true, full-face, purposeful smile from him. 
When I told John that evening, he informed me that he'd gotten one that morning as well.

Then, today, it happened. The, "Grab the camera, he's going to put on a show" kind of smile. 
He went from looking at me like this...

To looking at me like this...

And this...

And, that, my friends, is how you grow a smile.
Stay tuned for a lifetime more of these! 

Hey Batter Batter!!!

Preston has started organized sports.  Our world (and by that I mean ours as parents... and his, too, of course!) will NEVER be the same! 

We thought this boy was obsessed before... we were wrong.  He LOVES baseball and can't wait to sign up for soccer in the fall. He wants to play fall baseball, too, so I am not sure how we'll work out that and soccer.   Once this season ends, he can't wait to take skating lessons in preparation for hockey.  Our philosophy is to let him try everything so he can see what he truly loves as well as where he excels.  Baseball falls into both categories - - he loves it, he is learning a lot and he is playing remarkably well for his very first season.
(And that is an unbiased opinion, believe it or not! LOL!)

Practices started in early February and their first game was March 3rd.

John worked a half-day so he could be there to warm him up, help on the field and cheer Preston on along with Nana, Gracie, Gavin and me. 
It was such a fun afternoon.

His very first at-bat. 
In this age group (4 and 5 yrs), they go through the whole line-up so everyone bats and everyone runs the bases one at a time.  They first try to hit a coach's pitch and if they don't get a hit after five pitches, they can hit off the T.  When they are on the field, they switch positions halfway through the inning.  The idea is to teach them the fundamentals and build skills. 

My Little White Sox Man

The Pile-Up
This was one of the funniest moments of the game - - aside from Preston rounding home and heading back to first following his first time batting!  The boys all ran after the ball and piled-up in an effort to get to it first!  Then, after it was thrown to first base, they just stood there.  HILARIOUS!
They are all much better at staying in their own positions now :)

A huddle-cheer at the end of the game.
They then high-five the opposing team and run, like crazed animals, to the tables just off the field for a snack. 
So cute!

Batting at his second game

 

Doing an awesome job of fielding at last Monday's game

It's really hard to believe that the little guy in this post (who was 2 years, 2 months at the time) is wearing a uniform, hitting pitches and working fielding balls like a big kid. Sigh.

Gavin Joseph (Month One)

Gavin Joseph Swann
One Month
(Sorry about the flash, little man.  I did not mean to have it on.)

Dear Sweet Gavin,

I will say this a lot throughout your life... I cannot believe how quickly the days pass.  If only there was a pause button for our lives... just so we can cherish the moments a little longer. 

You, my sweet, laid back little man, are one month old today.  And, quite frankly, as much as I have counted each day and been very conscious of your age (practically down to the minute), I really can't believe you are already one month - - or, more precisely, four weeks and almost one full day.

I have written a lot about the last four weeks.  I am wordy... you will get used to it.  There is a great deal to say and I am trying so hard not to forget the details about you, your birth and how you are now, at one month old.

- You are such a sweet, easy baby.  I hope this doesn't jinx things... I'm guessing it won't.  This is just who you are... laid back, easy going, very "zen," if you will.  Your needs are quite simple.  You cry when you're hungry, when you get cold during a diaper/clothing change and when you need a change of scenery.  When you are picked up, you know you're needs are soon to be met and you quickly calm.  

- You are extremely alert and make amazing eye contact already.  I know it's early, but I truly feel that any day you will smile for real.  And, I am quite certain you will have your Daddy's dimples.  I sure hope so!

- You listen intently and are fascinated by your older sister and brother.

- You smell amazing... except when you have dirty pants!  :-)

- You absolutely detest (just like Gracie and Preston) being swaddled and absolutely love having your bottom patted.

- In the last week, you have fallen in love with laying on your little Gymini playmat and staring in the mirror.  You also are completely fascinated by the toys that hang from it. 

- You are incredibly strong... already holding your head up when I burp you over my shoulder.

- You were, as of March 12th, 9lbs, 2oz.  This is not too shabby considering you dropped to  7lbs, 6oz at five days old. 

- You are, as evidenced in your outfit in today's pictures, busting out of your newborn size clothes... they are way too short in the legs and literally bursting open in the diaper area due to the stretch.

- You are patient and adaptable.  We've had a challenge with nursing in the first few weeks and with a lot of trying and persistence, we seemed to have worked it out together.  We will find out at our next lactation consultation if we've been truly successful.  Regardless of the outcome (i.e. if you're not quite getting enough from me alone), I am so proud of both of us.
I was not able to nurse Gracie at all due to her lack of functional swallow (I did pump) and Preston was too much of a barracuda eater to nurse patiently (I pumped for him, too).  With both of them, I didn't have enough supply to sustain them, so they were supplemented with formula.  I don't think that's the case this time... we shall see.
I am extremely grateful to my dear friend, Hannah, who inspired me to work diligently at this.  I am also indebted to my mom for all of the extra help and encouragement that allowed me to work through our challenges and make this work.  This is an experience that I wanted as a mom but never had the chance until you came along.

- You make the cutest little squeaky noises when you are waking up and eating. 

- Your soft breaths on my cheek make me deliriously happy.

- You toot like a grown man!  I know... that's embarrassing... but it's really quite impressive.  You save it all for when you're starting to wake-up and the first five minutes you're nursing.  It's hilarious to me that you can be heard "doing your business" from across the house.

- You ride in the car like a champ and I am thankful for that because we do spend a great deal of time playing taxicab for Preston and Gracie.

- You are a good sleeper... almost too good at times.  You will often sleep right through meal times if you are cozy (which you often are).  Granted, once I wake you up to eat, you are suddenly wide awake, starving and demanding.  But many times, without the wake-up call, you'd sleep right through!

- You have already:
Celebrated Nana's birthday, Daddy's birthday and mine
Been to Preston's first baseball game
Gone with us to buy a car (you slept through that process... I don't blame you!)
Been on several walks
Been to the park (you slept through that, too)
Been to Target and Babies R Us (And, you also slept through those - -  though I am guessing that you'll rarely sleep through Target trips once you are aware of all the wonders of that store!  Just ask Preston about that... he loves Target almost as much as I do!)
Danced in the rain (Albeit briefly and on the back porch, so technically protected from the downpour.  But still, I held you and we danced a bit... just so we could say we did.)

- You, sweet baby boy, have changed our lives... all for the better... and we love you so very much.

Since I gave you so many stipulations in my last letter to you before you were born, I will be easy on you this time.  I only ask that you grow as you should, take your time in transitioning from a newborn to a "baby" and that you continue to love endless snuggles staring into each other's eyes.

All my love,
Mommy

Coming up for air... a month of baby bliss

I did not mean to go an entire month without posting.  Really.  The lack of updates and pictures over the last month is really quite embarrassing.  That being said, you can be sure that my absence on blogger and facebook was for good reason.  We've been busy... obviously.. and, I've been living in the land of baby bliss.  It's a nice place... but it's definitely high time I come up for air and share this little man with everyone!

It is incredibly hard to believe that a month has passed since Gavin's birth.  I wrote my last letter to him in utero on February 15th and asked him to cooperate regarding the timing of his birth. As it turns out, he is a very compliant little man and came within the window of time I specified!

I picked up my mom from the airport at noon on February 16th, by 3pm I was on the phone with my doctor and by 4pm she had examined me and determined that I was leaking amniotic fluid. Because I had a very small snack at 2:30pm, we had to wait until late that night for a c-section. Thank goodness Nana made it to town just in the nick of time and was able to care for Preston and Gracie while John and I went to the hospital.  I was so thankful to have my doctor do my c-section (it was a doozie because of the massive amounts of adhesions to work through) and even more thankful to have my husband in the OR with me for the birth of our third baby.   The moment that we heard our baby scream in protest of the lights, cold OR and general rude awakening that is a c-section birth, was so joyous and such a relief.  That good cry, just like Preston's did nearly five years ago, caused each of us to shed a few tears, too.  (There is nothing more beautiful than the sound of a newborn crying... especially when you've experienced the terrifying silence of a birth when your baby can't breathe well enough to cry.)

We came home Sunday, February 19th and fairly easily adjusted to life as a family of five (six while Nana was here!).    Granted, that "easy" adjustment was due, in large part, to the extra helpful and loving hands around... John was off work and my mom was here.  Talk to me after I've spent a week on my own with all three and I'll let you know what the transition is really like!  ;-)

Gracie and Preston have adjusted to Gavin's presence beautifully and Gavin adjusted well to coming home. In fact, with the exception of his second night home which was a marathon of screaming due to being so hungry and not getting what he needed from me fast enough, he has been so easy going and relaxed (knock on wood!). He is very used to all the chaotic noises... suction machine, Preston's loud and crazy antics (Gracie's not innocent either... her new and challenging behaviors that emerged while I was pregnant, including pulling out her trach a lot, prove that she can be just as naughty as Preston), me raising my voice at Preston regarding aforementioned crazy antics more times than I should... all the things that he’d been hearing for all the months I carried him.   Gracie is smitten, but hasn't quite mastered the art of being gentle again. With Preston, she was so soft with her touch. Now she's used to playing fairly rough with him and doesn't quite get the difference between the two.  In between testing every boundary he has and forgetting that his job is to listen to his parents, Preston has been so helpful (just as he is with his sister) and can't wait until he can do more with Gavin on his own.   He gets diapers, sings to him, pats his bottom when he fusses, gives him a binkie, kisses him endlessly... you name it.  We are so proud of the way he has welcomed his baby brother without the slightest bit of jealousy.  Even Toby has adjusted fairly well, though it is clear that he is going to be very protective of Gavin as he responds to every little sound he makes by walking right up to him and sniffing him. It is very sweet.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent some time poring over pictures that we've taken since February 16th and I find myself emotional (rational, not scary emotional... though if I am being honest, there were some irrational tears the second week... hormones are a crazy thing!) at the realization that we were quickly approaching the one month mark. Time moves so quickly and Gavin has already changed so much since his birth.

I've spent a lot of time trying to memorize things about him... his little sounds (which have earned him the nickname "Squeak"), the way he smells - - that newborn smell - - even though we put nothing on him that actually has a scent.  (What is that - - that newborn smell? And why can't we bottle it and all the emotions, euphoria and elation that it creates?) I try to memorize the way he feels when I hold him - how he curls up into a tiny ball on my chest (thus, earning another nickname of "Squish"). And in memorizing the way he has curled up - - like in utero - - I am keenly aware of how much he has "flattened out" already and continues to grow at a rate of approximately 1/4" a week.   Did you know that newborns grow that fast initially? It's amazing.
 
I have spent a tremendous amount of time holding him… not wanting to put him down… especially in the first two weeks. I tried so hard to cherish every second and soak him up as much as I could because I knew that once my mom left (on March 12th), I would not be able to hold my baby boy as long as I wanted to. I have been burning onto my brain the way his breath feels on my cheek, observing the tiniest changes in his expression and what I think they mean. I stare at him and try to memorize every little detail… the things that the camera just can’t capture. Don’t get me wrong, I still do the same thing with Gracie and Preston - - literally stare at them and mentally hit “pause” - - but Gavin’s rate of change is considerably faster and knowing he is our last baby Swann makes me try to soak him up even more.

I’m appreciating the littlest things in ways I couldn't possibly with Gracie, of course, due to the circumstances surrounding her birth and in a way that I couldn't with Preston because the "typical" newborn world was so foreign to us and I was so nervous about how we'd manage taking care of Gracie and a newborn. It was so much easier than I had built it up in my head, but I didn't relax through it enough to enjoy it in the same way that I am this time. This time, with some experience under my belt, I was more relaxed and my perspective was a little different.  That generally relaxed state was also thanks to the fact that John was off work from the 9th of February thru March 1st and my mom was here until the 12th.   Truth be told, though, I am just as hard on myself this time - - expecting that I can do it all and work miracles. My mother can attest to that and tried multiple times while she was here to give me a reality check.   My kids gave me my own dose of reality last night when, around 6:45pm, as we awaited John's arrival home from work, I had dinner half-done in the disaster area formerly known as the kitchen, Preston was in the tub waiting for his hair to be washed, Gavin was lying across my lap nursing as I sat "criss-cross-apple-sauce" (or Indian Style as we said in my "non-PC" gradeschool days) while Gracie, in day two of an abdominal migraine, laid just behind Gavin crying while I suctioned her trach and mouth.  Needless to say, I was a dishevelled and exhausted mess by the time John got home!   Thankfully, my husband does not expect that I have dinner ready upon his arrival, nor does he ever ask why things are not done.  Smart man! Very smart! LOL!!!

All kidding aside... even with the challenges we've had and the many that I know are to come, I couldn't be happier with the chaos that is our life.  I am blessed beyond words by my beautiful, loving flock.

The first month... in photos

The first days...

Our final photo as a family of four!
Preston had a very busy day and passed out on the couch while we raced around getting ready to leave for the hospital.
Thankfully, he woke up just before we left and we were able to say a proper goodbye.

Still in surgery... one of our first photos as mommy and son.

I love this photo... I am emotional and kissing our new baby boy and John is looking lovingly at me.
I am a lucky girl. 

A quiet moment in recovery.

Nana meeting her fifth grandchild. 
She is such a trooper!  With the time difference and having traveled from the east coast on the very day of Gavin's birth, she was up over 24-hours straight.  For those of you who have wondered how I live on very little sleep... it's genetic!
My mama is a rockstar!

Flock of Five... Gavin is less than a day old.
The hospital policy during flu season is that no children under 16 are allowed for any reason.  When our nurse learned about our family, namely Gracie, she allowed us to sneak in and the kids were able to see me and Gavin. 
It was so great for Gracie to visit the hospital and not be the one staying!

My three precious babies
Gracelyn (8 years, 10 months), Preston (4 years, 9 months) and Gavin (20 hours)

Be still my heart

The next three photos are courtesy of our dear friend, Catherine Lacey Dodd, who was sweet enough to brave the Friday night traffic (on a three-day weekend, no less) and drive from LA to Orange County to meet our sweet boy.  She was NOT supposed to bring her camera, but I am so very thankful that she did!
 

Gavin Joseph Swann
Born 2/16/12 at 10:27pm
8lbs, 12 oz and 21" long
This photo was taken at 8:27pm on 2/17/12... he was exactly 22 hours old.

So new... so very delicious!

Mommy loving on Gavin
As much as I didn't enjoy being in the hospital, I loved the quiet, precious moments alone with my new, sweet baby boy.

Settling in at home...

Gavin, named by his Daddy, came home in an outfit picked out by his big brother.
Gracie immediately scooted over to his carseat and Toby was right behind her, sniffing Gavin like crazy!

Preston and Gavin's first cuddle at home

Six days old and rocking a "Zoolander" expression! 

Enjoying some serious sibling love on his one week birthday

My three children

Be still my heart again...

The second week...

8 days old... Looking very much like his brother at the same age.
(I will have to do a post of "Which Swann boy is this?" at a later date!)

My view of Gavin following a feeding... he's milk drunk and freshly burped!

9 faces in 30 seconds... 14 days old
I was watching Gavin snoozing away in his bassinet (the same bassinet that Gracie used, given to us by my grandmother, and that Preston, my nephew Jack, niece Makenzie used) and he was making all kinds of faces.  So, of course, I grabbed my camera and clicked away!

Finally, a real bath!
As you can see, this was a very stressful situation for Gavin!  LOL! 
In fact, he was so stressed during his first bath, he fell asleep and managed to swing his foot over the edge to soak it in the tub.

Day 19... having a fussy moment and telling Nana all about it!

Three weeks old...
There really aren't words for these images of my man and my boys... I love them so much.
 

All that blonde hair!

After the impromptu photo session with his Daddy and Preston, a wardrobe change was in order.
A big thank you to the Clayton family for the adorable "Tiebreaker" onesie! 

Nana

My mom... the best mama and nana in the whole world.

She stayed with us for three and a half weeks.  She helped with everything... day and night... all the while working a full-time job from a makeshift desk on a card table in our play/craft/computer area.  She also left behind Papa who is still recovering from a shoulder replacement in early January.  This act of love and kindness, on both their parts, will never be forgotten and we can never thank them enough.  I miss her so much already and Papa's presence was sorely missed.

Gavin already loves his Nana so much and I am quite certain he has been wondering where the heck she went.

LOVE this!

And this...

And this...

And this!


One month

Today... at one month.
Again, sorry about the flash, sweet boy.  I did not mean to have it on!

So mesmerized by the cute baby in the mirror!

Already in motion!  He gets so excited when he looks at the toys!