Happiness is... a slumber party

Tonight is the last official non-school night of the winter break.  Being keenly aware of this fact, Preston requested to "sleep in" with Gracie and we could not turn him down.  Whether he will remain there or she will sleep all night is doubtful.  For now, they are fast asleep and, now, so go I. (I hope!)

Happiness is... a brother's compassion

In my last few posts, I have alluded to some challenges with our sweet five (AND A HALF... and don't you forget it!) year-old.  I won't get into specifics here, but will say that some of the things I love most about our boy (like his strong personality) are now testing me to my breaking point.  (Both John and me, but I am the one who is home and when I am, it's with all three kids alone, so I get the brunt of  his pushing.)  He has been in enough trouble to have lost TV and iPad privileges for a week as well as his brand new toys for the first few days of that week.  Ugh.  (And that's torture for me, too!)  His extra energy and testing are going far beyond the regular "holiday-high" that most kids are on this time of year.  One minute our little man is his normal, cheery self.  The next... well... not so much.  Unrecognizable, really. 

Today was a pretty good, albeit busy, day.  He was excited about going to a classmate's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  And, it was fun - - you know, as fun as Chuck E. Cheese can be for a parent trying to manage tokens and tickets and excitement while containing a super overstimulated baby as the excessively loud Chuck E. show played on the wall of televisions. ;) 

On our way home, we had to run a few errands.  As we pulled out of the parking lot at our last stop, Preston said to me (out of nowhere), "I wish Gracie could be me and I could be Gracie."

"What do you mean, Bubba?"

"I want her to be me so she can know what it's like to go to school without her wheelchair and run and have no trach and eat lunch with her friends like I do."

Instant nose-tingling tears. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. So proud of his good heart. Touched deeply by his thought process.  Overwhelmed by how much he loves his sister.  And relieved that, despite all that has been going on with him, his compassionate, sweet, loving soul still shines through.



Gracie and Preston at a neighborhood park on Wednesday

Happiness is... A Cup of Quiet

With Gracie's nurse back to work for the first time since 1pm on Friday, I took the boys to run a few errands and have lunch at the park.  As Preston ran around and Gavin slept cozily in his stroller, I enjoyed five minutes of quiet with the sunshine soaking into my back and this Venti Decaf Carmel Macchiato.
 

"Rekindle" was Starbucks' big holiday promotion.
Interesting that I didn't really pay attention to it until today.

By 5:30, the effects of my Venti Cup in the sun had worn off and I fought to remember my words (and Sark's) from just two days ago. I even posted on facebook that the lyrics, "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again," were playing in my head. They were. Okay... they still are. Don't get me wrong, the holidays were great and there has been a lot of fun during the break... but there has also been some really challenging moments with a certain kindergartner and a lot (a lot) of downtime and alone-with-all-three-kids-who-have-extremely-varying-abilities-and-needs time.  I am not ashamed to admit that I am looking forward to the two eldest Swanns heading back to school. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy them or our time together. It just means I am keeping it real!

Happiness is... building a fort

This morning during breakfast, Preston asked if we could build a fort.  Part of me wanted to say no... because I had a bunch of things I wanted to do while Gavin was napping and, when he is awake, a fort is a dangerous thing.  He wants to climb it and pull it down... which means he is slipping all over the place and something can easily fall on him.   Before I let myself say, "Not today, Bubba," I took a breath and said, "Sure, once I get Gavin down for his nap."  Done.  I said yes... just like Sark suggests.  And, we were building a fort... again, as Sark (and Preston) suggests.

Breathing and Vest treatment for Gracie and a cheese-toast snack for Preston.
Fort Happiness.

Happiness is also being greeted by your big brother following your nap.
(See that tongue picture?  If we tell Gavin, "Show me your tongue!" He will do that!  It's perfect for the doctor... no tongue depressor for him!)

Before he helped tear it down, Gavin enjoyed some time in the fort while Gracie chuckled at the antics between her brothers.
After we tore it down, we took a walk and went to the park.
 

It's funny, the list of what I wanted to do during Gavin's nap turned into a shorter list of the things that had to get done. And I did get them done... along with playing Slap Jack, Go Fish and War ducked under Fort Happiness in our family room.

Happiness is... Sark

I've been in a blog rut as of late (not the most immediate late, as I've managed to include a lot of pictures from the holidays and events surrounding them), but as for real updates and the deeper things, I've been, well, too busy and too tired to gather my thoughts.  I still am - - my writing is anything but cohesive lately.  Okay, my thoughts in a normal conversation are anything but cohesive lately!  I can't even walk into a room and remember why I was there half the time. (Maybe even more often than that.)  The level of fatigue I am experiencing at the end of a day (which is never Gracie's "end" of the day!) is at an all time high... taking care of my little flock is exhausting.

It is rewarding, of course.  I am blessed to be home with my kids, of course.  I am beyond honored to mother all three of them, of course. The list of those thoughts are long.  That being said, I am tired.  I am often at my wits end.  I am impatient more times than I care to admit.  I am often unsure (ah... the "Uns") about my skill level at this job (especially when my kids are testing me to my breaking point).  I continually find myself comparing my days to the movie "Groundhog Day," for I feel (as many stay-at-home parents do, I am sure) that my life is on a constantly repeating reel.  These are not complaints; they are facts. 

I am known for not making resolutions for the new year... it sort of goes against my belief that it doesn't take turning a page on the calendar for me to make a decision to change something in my life.  It can be in the middle of a random Thursday afternoon (like when I make a concentrated effort to not lose my patience... a common mid-day resolution).  And, quite frankly, if we hinge too much on that first day of the year and our ability to be successful with whatever resolutions we make and, heaven forbid, have a bad day and/or mess with that resolution on day one (like don't overeat, blah blah blah) that we kill the tone for the new year.  And, really, forgiving ourselves for missteps and moving on is a lot easier if we realize that we can make a change at any time.

I am also NOT a fan of many things about January... again, not a secret!  When the decorations come down, the excitement in the air dissipates and we are left with the bare trees and monotony of the regular day-to-day... along with the realization that as good as the two (okay, at least three) weeks of eating whatever goodies we could get our hands on not only changed the fit of our jeans, it started a trend of wanting chocolate for breakfast and cookies for a snack.  (Oh... is that just me?!)  Anyway, in trying to work through my blog rut, in attempting to ward of the "Uns" and hopefully, to help me gather my thoughts on some bigger, pressing (and certainly blog-worthy) things, I am going to (attempt) to have a second installment of the series "Joy in January: Happiness Is."

I hope I am far more successful with this than I was with "Thankful" in November!  And, perhaps actively concentrating on a piece of happiness each day will lessen the weight of everything else - - or, at the very least, make my typical mid-day resolution of being more patient a great deal easier to achieve!

So, here we go!

Happiness Is... Sark.

I love Sark.

Before we moved, I had many of her words hanging on the walls of our playroom/computer area. My favorite piece (above) was handwritten and painted by my dear friend, Hannah. Sadly, I have not yet hung them back up since our move (along with most of our family pictures). And, in light of my need to remain calm and patient and remember that my children learn from my example and feed off of my energy, I have been taking a good, long look in the mirror. And, as I've evaluated my own behavior following some not-so-fun stuff with one of my offspring, some of these words from Sark's "How to Really Love A Child," have been playing in my head over and over. It's time to hang them back up.

The perfect end to 2012

It's nearly 11:30.  I just finished reading to Preston. Really, he heard about five words! He tried so hard to rally and ring in 2013 with me, but he just couldn't hold on.  We played games (Go Fish and Yahtzee), ate snacks and tried keeping busy... and he lasted about 10 minutes longer than my 11pm estimate!  My house is very quiet, my heart is happy and, though I am likely the only one in our home who will be awake at midnight (John, Gavin and Gracie were all completely sacked out by 9pm), I can't think of a happier way for our family to have ended 2012.

We spent the afternoon at the Oakland Zoo with friends.  It's no secret that, for our family, outings are always a bet... will Gracie have a good day or not?  At best, she will tolerate one part of the day, but if we make a second stop, she protests wildly, causing us to divert plans and end with a "car picnic" or a bee-line for home.   Today was spectacular... in every way.  She was happy at the zoo, happy in the car and happy when we stopped for a crazy chaotic dinner halfway home.  (I am sure we were a site walking into Skipolini's with six adults and six kids... four of whom were under 3 and completely tuckered out from the zoo!) 

Aside from Preston learning a tough lesson about goofing around with both hands in his pockets (a face plant in the parking lot with no way to brace his fall... OUCH!), today was perfection and, by far, my favorite family outing as a Flock of Five - - and one of my alltime favorites period. 

As we assembled in the parking lot, Preston was twirling around with his hands in his vest pockets.  He lost his balance and... well... thankfully wasn't hurt worse. 
He ends 2012 and starts 2013 with an epic shiner.
These were taken just fifteen minutes after his fall... it's far uglier now.

Gavin was fascinated by the Macaws and Gibbons... and many other animals we saw today.

Gracie... happily looking up at the monkey above her.

The guys
(Gavin and John have the same look on their faces!)

The Daddy Stroller Brigade
Their real day jobs!!

Preston's favorite part of the day... getting the Tiger Card from the nice information lady who gave him all sorts of fun facts.
Aside from what's on this card, we also learned that there are more tigers living in captivity than in the wild and that a tiger's stripe pattern is just as unique as a person's fingerprint.  Did you know that?

Out of nowhere, a TON of pigeons flew over!  All three of my boys have the same expressions!
Gracie's mouth was wide open as she looked up and then signed, "bird."

Deep conversation between a 5 1/2 and a 2 1/2 year-old

Gavin checking out the elephant with Daddy.
Afterward, he kept trying to approximate the sign for "elephant" by pushing out his hand... so cute!

Gracie checking out the bunnies in the children's area

Look who had to find a different vantage point, of course!

Happy Kids = Happy Parents

Wearing her smile and having a great day.
At dinner she signed for more tastes (which included every kind of sauce on the table!). 
A perfect last day of the year.

My big boys on the train ride

Our friend Kiel and his son, Bruce

On the train with a beautiful view of the bay behind him

Heading to dinner - - exhausted and the bruising really starting to settle in.
:(

Gracie happily getting her vest treatment,
the boys playing together,
And chocolate chip cookies in the oven
At one point, Gracie signed, "share" to Preston... which he did... and she then signed, "I love you."
Moments of spontaneous communication like this were in abundance today and added to the joy and perfection of the end of 2012.

Merry

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! It started with the best gift - - the fact that John was off both days for the first time since 2008 and, therefore, Santa didn't have to make a special trip on the 23rd or 26th. Having spent Christmas in the hospital with Gracie in the past, we know that what matters the most is being together and it was nice to have our togetherness be on the actual holidays and in our home. Nana and Papa joined us for Christmas Eve evening and Christmas Day. We ate delicious food, relaxed and made wonderful memories... it was Merry!
And it ended perfectly with our baby tucked away sleeping peacefully in his crib and our oldest two kiddos having a slumber party cuddled up in Gracie's bed.  Sweet and Merry, indeed!

A photo of our Flock (minus Toby who was too excited to be in the house that morning!)
Gracie has on jammies... that lasted all of about 15 minutes!  At least we got a pic of her dressed!

Gavin with Mommy on his first Christmas

Gavin and his Nana
I love this!
 

Preston after opening his first present (following the stocking) Bumblebee, a Transformer Rescue Bots. He asked for all of the ones he didn't already have and wrote this one out all by himself on his wish list.  Happy, happy boy!

Papa, showing off one of his new, fun t-shirts.

Preston excitedly receiving his new street bike from Nana and Papa

Gavin opening his very first Christmas present ever

Preston super stoked over his Buster Posey Jersey

Who needs presents when there is paper, bows and ribbon?!

What would a first Christmas be without a photo shoot in his amazingly adorable, super soft Santa Suit jammies?
I had to make several collages because there were so many cute pictures that I couldn't decide on just one or two!

When all else fails, eat the paper!

"Mama... can we please get this thing open?!"

So much FUN!

Adore this... all that concentration... and those eyelashes!

Sporting his new BMX racing helmet

"You talkin' to me?!"

Preston on his new street bike from Nana and Papa

Preston testing out his "new-to-him" BMX racing bike with Toby giving him a run for his money!
Not sure who was faster or who had more fun!

Papa taking a snooze while Preston and his Rescue Bots sat guard.
On the floor below the couch, John and Gracie were cuddled under blankets... Gracie didn't nap, but John definitely did!

Gavin dropping next to Gracie for a "power nap" and some affection! 
(He just drops on the floor or a pillow and rests for a moment... we jokingly call this his "power nap!")

Nana and Papa with the little Swanns

The expressions in this one crack me up!

LOVE

and LOVE
Seeing my mama loving on my baby (well, all of my babies!) makes me so happy

Merry Christmas!!!